Sorry, we typically do not customise our items, however, if you are extra specially nice to us and have the $ to spend, feel free to contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll do our best to get you what you need.
Shipping & Delivery
What an idiot, were you drunk? Lol, we’ve all done that! No worries, just send us an email at email@example.com as soon as you can and we will try and ensure the change gets made before the order is shipped. We may be too late though as our warehouse legends can be pretty speedy packing your gift, if your order has already been shipped you may need to contact Australia post directly and redirect it to the new address.
Excellent at least one of the gifts has made it!
Only joking. The reason we have such a crazy range of inappropriate gifts is because we source from a variety of places, some items are individually hand made for you, some are from specialist Australian suppliers and some come from that huge marketplace called China.
We've done our best to clarify in the item description if it will be shipped from somewhere other than our warehouse, so those items will be sent to you separately.
Our aim is to dispatch warehoused in-stock items within 2 business days, however, dispatched items are at the mercy of either Australia post or selected international postal services… (SAY NO MORE! ) so please accept our apologies if it takes longer.
If you are still worried your gift has not arrived, check your local post office as quite often the delivery cards get lost. You can always contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will give you an update on your delivery status as most of our parcels are tracked.
Of course we can!!
If you have an urgent gift you need to get somewhere, just let us know by emailing email@example.com most of the items we can put an express delivery on for you. It may cost extra which is why we ask you to email us first.
No, unfortunately we are only online. We don’t want you weirdos visiting us.
We can send most of our items to most corners of the world. There are some exceptions though, bulky, extra fragile and heavy items or nail polish (which is considered a dangerous good would you believe!) cannot be sent outside of Australia.
Currently we are banned from sending to the following countries, so once they get a sense of humour, we'll let you know:
Korea, China, South Africa, UAE, Cuba and probably some others not listed here, so if you try to buy, we'll just take your money and pretend it got 'lost' in the post.
Are you sure you are qualified to use the internet? If you are having problems with the webpage – just email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll see what we can do to help you part with your hard earned cash.
A Pre-Order is for a product that will be delivered to our warehouse within the next 3 to 4 weeks.
Let’s say, you can’t wait for the release of one of our new range of products, like a very offensive but highly funny Mug that you have seen on facebook. In this case, making a Pre-Order ensures that you’ll be the first in line to get it, you'll just have to wait a little longer than for a product we have in stock.
Don’t panic, this is not a tactic to take your money and bulk buy crap from China. We are offering Pre-Orders as a way to better manage market demand for our products.
As for trusting us, if we are unable to fulfill your order, we will refund you. Simple as that!
Our commitment to you is that we have reserved stock for you and will ship your products as soon as they arrive at our warehouse.
If your order only has ‘in stock’ items, then your order will be dispatched from our warehouse the next business day.
Products that we source from other suppliers are lovingly hand crafted by them and shipped from their facilities. If you have one of these items included in your order, it will ship separately to the rest of your order.
If you have purchased items that are on Pre-Order along with in stock items, then your entire order will not ship until all items are at our warehouse.
Pre-Orders will typically ship within 3 to 4 weeks of the date you place your order.
Just write down your complaint on an A5 piece of cardboard and shove it way up your arse, then go find yourself a life.
Your happiness is what we live for (well actually we want to make money by ensuring you are happy with your products so that you will use us again and recommend us to your friends)!!
If you are unhappy with your purchase FOR WHATEVER REASON, email us at email@example.com we'll sort it our either by replacement, store credit or a refund. We want to take the stress and uncertainty out of online shopping and put the fun back in.
Bloody hell you don’t want much do you! What did your last slave die of? Sorry, at this stage we do not offer gift wrapping or personalisation.
All the price info is done via the confirmation email you get sent at checkout. The gift just gets sent with our love.
This is your standard electronic gift card. You purchase online through the shopping cart and an email will be sent to you with the gift card code ready to print (or email) to the person you have bought it for.
Gift cards are valid for 3 years from the date of purchase.
Please keep the email / code that you are sent in a safe place.
At this stage we do not offer physical gift cards.
All other fucking questions
We want to survive in this ever increasing competitive online world. If you get something from us you don’t want, just email us back and write UNSUBSCRIBE in the heading and we will forget that email ever existed. That said, we often send our customers deals and offers on new and upcoming inappropriate gifts so our emails are often a joy to receive!
YES, we do now offer payment via ZipPay and AfterPay, however, there is a minimum order value of $60 as we need to allow for their fees. If you do not have a credit card and want to pay using online bank transfer just email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will organise for you.
All your payments are secure and encrypted. We use Paypal and secure credit card payments via Shopify Payments and Stripe. SO EVEN IF we wanted to steal your card and buy some drugs on the dark web – we couldn’t.
When you provide your credit card information to our payment providers, the information is transferred using secure socket layer technology (SSL) and encrypted in line with The Payment Card Industry Data Security Standard (PCI DSS).
Only if you are good looking and have a huge cock, alternatively if you have a gift that would complement our existing range – we would love to hear from you. Email us at email@example.com
Don't hestitate to ask another bloody question!?! Give us 24 hours and we will get back to.