Corporate Lingo That Makes your Skin Crawl

It is what it is, but we'll circle back on it, then run it up a flagpole and see if anyone looks. It's the world of corporate jargon from the playbook of overpaid CEO's! Let's "deep dive" into all the phrases that come up daily in the boardroom that make your blood boil! 

You might need to get yourself one of these before you read on...

1. “Let’s circle back”
   Translation: I’m going to forget this completely until you remind me again, because honestly your idea sucks, or I have no idea how to solve this problem.
2. "Let’s take this offline”
   AKA: Let’s stop talking about this in front of people who will judge us, and to be honest, I don't really know what I'm talking about or if I even did the pivot table correctly.
3. “Low-hanging fruit"
   This phrase makes most of you want to kick your boss in his low-hanging fruit! We’re not in an orchard, Karen. Just say let's find an easier task so we all still make budget this month. 
4. “Touch base”
   Are we astronauts? Are we baseball players? No. We’re just trying to schedule a meeting or find an opportunity to discuss something that is only moderately important.
5. “Pivot”
   The corporate catchphrase of the “new normal” era, when every company you’d ever bought a pen from emailed to say they were ‘here for you’ in these unprecedented times
6. “Moving forward…”
   A very polite way of saying: “We’re pretending that mess never happened.”
7. “It is what it is”
    The corporate version of giving up.
8. “We’re agile”
   Unless you ask us to make a change. Then we need 3 approvals, a Purchase Order, a Venn Diagram, and a seance.
9. “Bandwidth”
   People are not internet connections. Just say “I don’t have time" or do we have enough people to work on the project"?
10.  “Let's park that idea”
    Code for "For fuck sake how are you even employed with these dumb ideas"! Let's be honest, the only place this suggestion is getting parked is in the graveyard of forgotten ideas.

These top ten stole the show, with 85% of people who commented on this post agreeing that these are the phrases they want to throw in the dumpster and set alight! 

There were a few honourable mentions, though, that deserve some airtime, here are a few more that you might want to throw around at your WIP Meeting next week...

• Synergy
• Value-add
• Reach Out 🎶"and touch somebody" - Best not, or you might find yourself in HR
• Can Everyone See My Screen
  
• Looping you in
• Run it up the flagpole
• Move the Needle
  
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