My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on the way to see my parents, so I called them up and on speaker phone and said
"Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh dear" she sighed, "I thought you had a real one this time"
Two ladies having lunch and one whispers "I'm having a boob job" her friend replies, "that's nothing I'm getting my arsehole bleached" First lady says "really? I can't imagine your husband as a blonde"
I said to a Policeman "If I called you a cun#t would you arrest me? The policeman replied, "yes I would arrest you".
I said "What if I was just thinking you were a cun*t?" "There's not much I can do about that" he replied.
"Good" I said, "Because I think you're a cun*t"
Quick. Stop the cremation.
Thanks to Phil from our inappropriate dads FB group for these gems. A special mention to Joy.S who sends me great meme's. Please keep them coming, I have the best inbox ever - email@example.com
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