A very wealthy art collector got a call from his solicitor who said "I
have good news and I have bad news, which do you want first?"
The guys thinks about it and says "I've had a crap#y day so how about the
good news?" "Ok," said the solicitor,
"I've had a call from your wife and today she paid $1500 for a picture
that she thinks is worth about $20m."
"Well that's fantastic, what's the bad news?" The solicitor said "It's a
picture of you in bed with your secretary!"
Mother Superior was doing a crossword and suddenly exclaimed "damn!"
"What's a 4 letter word relating to women that ends in U-N-T?"
"Oh dear," says Sister Priscilla, "I think that would have to be AUNT?"
"Of course" said Mother Superior, "Do you have an eraser?"
Forget those Instagram posts of cake tagged #FoodPorn. When it comes to real food p*rn, few can forget the raunchy scene between Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke in 80s film 9 1/2 Weeks.
Now, cookbooks are encouraging foodies to get naked in the kitchen and try combining food and s*x.
Former MasterChef contestant and firefighter Beau Cook has teamed up with us and is offering his latest book - Beau Cook’s Food P*rn — “for those who love a bit on the side with their main course”.
His recipes will leave you “fanning yourself with a banana leaf and blushing like a peach when it shows you more than one use for spaghetti or what to do with a zucchini”.
“I find the current definition of food p*rn so boring; no one actually cares if you have eaten a delicious meal and want to show the world,” Cook says. “For me, the true meaning of food p*rn is the combination of food and sex.” 40 delicious recipes paired with naked bodies.
Alternatively you could get the best and healthiest chicken recipe book in the whole world 50 Ways to Eat C*ck
Valentine's Day is a great excuse to spend time with people you love, but if you find yourself surrounded by twat waffles and wankers, it might be the perfect excuse to have a date night with your dog! Here are our top ten reasons Valentine's day is best spent with your pet!
It can be difficult knowing what gift to get your better half on Valentines day, treat them to something that will make them smile this year ..
We had some great fun designing some new mugs for valentines day, thanks for all your suggestions on Facebook and Instagram. Here are our favourites, let us know in comments which one you would actually buy!