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Sarcastic Star Signs. Gift ideas for signs of the Zodiac

2 min read

14 Comments

Sarcastic Star Signs.  Gift ideas for signs of the Zodiac

Sarcastic star signs

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19) 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) 

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) 

Leo (July 23 – August 22) 

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) 

Libra (September 23 – October 22) 

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) 

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) 

 

Aries  
An Aries's to-do list: 1. Conquer the world. 2. Take a quick nap. 

Aries - they will headbut you if you waste their time with stupidity
 
Taurus 
Taurus might be a lover not a fighter, but you still shouldn’t fuck with a bull! 
 
Gemini  
Never mess with a Gemini, you might end up pissing off the wrong twin! 

Immature, do not take a Gemini anywhere they have to be fucking serious. 
 
Flipping between witty and whimsical faster than you can say dual personality 
 
Cancer 
Cancer's favorite dance move: the two-step between sentimentality and sarcasm 
 
Leo 
Leo: Where the spotlight shines, and the drama thrives! 


Virgo  
Virgos are like human autocorrect, always fixing everyone else's lives 
Virgos: turning anxiety into Excel spreadsheets since birth 
 
Libra 
A Libra's indecision is so legendary that even their horoscope can't decide what to predict for them.
 
Scorpio  
Scorpios have two moods: 'I'm fine' and 'I will solve this mystery and avenge it. 
Scorpios are like fine wine – they get better with age and can be a bit intoxicating 
Scorpios are the espresso shots of the zodiac – intense and best taken in small doses 

Scorpios fuck around and find out. 

Sagittarius 
Don’t piss off a Sagittarius, they’re the only sign in the zodiac holding a weapon. 
Sagittarius: turning travel dreams into credit card bills since forever 
Sagittarius: the only sign that believes home is where the passport is 
Sagittarius: making spontaneity look like a well-thought-out plan 

Sagittarius  Full of shit, just like the horse they rode in on. 

Capricorn  
Capricorns are the real GOATs of the zodiac –GreatestOfAll Time 
Capricorns don't procrastinate; they're just collecting strategic data for optimal action 
Capricorns are the ultimate planners; they even scheduled their midlife crisis 
 
Aquarius  
An Aquarius's exercise routine: lifting heavy opinions and running marathons of innovative ideas 

Can't plan their escape from a wet paper bag. Lovely people but they do not have a fucking clue.
 
Pisces 
Don't mess with a Pisces, they’re not your average Goldfish, they won’t forget! 
Pisces: Swimming against the current in a river of dreams 

Pisces: Anxious, and fucking neurotic because their hearts are too loving and cunts have continued to take advantage.  

We would love to hear your suggestions?    How would you describe your favourite star signs? Leave us a comment and if we feature your idea, we will reach out and send you a gift to say thanks. 

Need a gift for an Aquarius? Our Get Fucked Duck... will make them smile! 

14 Responses

Cindy Calderon
Cindy Calderon

February 27, 2024

I’m a fellow Sag and concur with all sentiments, laughed my horses ass off!!
But PLEASE go back to School, it’s full “of” shit!

Although my sun-sign is Sag, my moon is in Virgo (so nit picky on detail) and my rising is in Cancer (allows me to easily connect with others, due to my sensitive nature. This energetic seeker of exotic destinations, finds it hard to sit still,
likes to do things right (or not at all) and our high standards can ruin friendships and leave us Single Forever!
Wanna taunt a sensitive Sag at the wrong time? You might as well, set fire to your pubes!!!

Saggie: Are often single due to their ridiculous high standards, end up broke and with no friends!

Famous Saggies: Taylor Swift, Brad Pitt and Tina Turner (R.I.P)

Libra: I used to be indecisive… but now I’m not so sure?

Sara
Sara

August 30, 2023

All true for this Sag! Also, don’t try lying to a Sagittarius – we know the truth and will play dumb to catch you lying later! Nice and sweet on the outside and a sarcastic goth metalhead on the inside!

Beck
Beck

August 24, 2023

I’m not stubborn, I’m a fucking Taurus!
Taurus – loyal, loving, faithful but you don’t want to fuck with them…

Emma
Emma

August 22, 2023

gemini- 2 for 1! One minute they are acting like assholes,then snap…total cunts They have no redeeming qualities.. Whiny , thirsty bitches. Never boring though

Aquarius- we love to think we invented being an individual..yawn. We tend to dress like burnt out hippies and use being unique to mask that we just have no fucking style . We are loyal ..

Emma
Emma

August 22, 2023

gemini- 2 for 1! One minute they are acting like assholes,then snap…total cunts They have no redeeming qualities.. Whiny , thirsty bitches. Never boring though

Aquarius- we love to think we invented being an individual..yawn. We tend to dress like burnt out hippies and use being unique to mask that we just have no fucking style . We are loyal ..

Ked
Ked

August 22, 2023

Gemini
Two faces bitch or double the trouble?
I’m a Gemini lol

Richard  Counter
Richard Counter

August 22, 2023

Taurus. I’m bullheaded but romantic af
Aquarius, your a narcissistic prick.
Taurus, no I’m being realistic!
Aquarius, your an A-hole, I’m out of here and you’ll die a lonely man.
Taurus, shut the door behind you so I can finally sleep in peace and fucking quite

Estelle
Estelle

August 22, 2023

Cancer – crabby by name crabby by nature
Cancer -hard shell but soft and squishy inside

Estelle
Estelle

August 22, 2023

Cancer – crabby by name crabby by nature
Cancer -hard shell but soft and squishy inside

Daniella
Daniella

August 22, 2023

Gemini? Two faced bitch!

Marie
Marie

August 22, 2023

Luv luv luv
All for Sagittarius
All comments are my daughter to a tee
PLEASE tell me it will be avaliable for her birthday in November

Ann
Ann

August 21, 2023

I didn’t zone you out because I’m a Capricorn, it was more because I couldn’t be Fucked listening!

Liz
Liz

August 21, 2023

Aquarius: maybe I’m aloof, maybe I’m ignoring you.
Gemini: it wasnt me, it was my other personality

Phil Kidman
Phil Kidman

August 21, 2023

Aries: treat them right and they’ll be your most loyal ally. Don’t and they will watch you burn
Aries: Can hold a grudge with the best of them.
Aries: arrogant pig headed bastards.
(Yep I’m an Aries :) )

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