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Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Aries
An Aries's to-do list: 1. Conquer the world. 2. Take a quick nap.
Aries - they will headbut you if you waste their time with stupidity
Taurus
Taurus might be a lover not a fighter, but you still shouldn’t fuck with a bull!
Gemini
Never mess with a Gemini, you might end up pissing off the wrong twin!
Immature, do not take a Gemini anywhere they have to be fucking serious.
Flipping between witty and whimsical faster than you can say dual personality
Cancer
Cancer's favorite dance move: the two-step between sentimentality and sarcasm
Leo
Leo: Where the spotlight shines, and the drama thrives!
Virgo
Virgos are like human autocorrect, always fixing everyone else's lives
Virgos: turning anxiety into Excel spreadsheets since birth
Libra
A Libra's indecision is so legendary that even their horoscope can't decide what to predict for them.
Scorpio
Scorpios have two moods: 'I'm fine' and 'I will solve this mystery and avenge it.
Scorpios are like fine wine – they get better with age and can be a bit intoxicating
Scorpios are the espresso shots of the zodiac – intense and best taken in small doses
Scorpios fuck around and find out.
Sagittarius
Don’t piss off a Sagittarius, they’re the only sign in the zodiac holding a weapon.
Sagittarius: turning travel dreams into credit card bills since forever
Sagittarius: the only sign that believes home is where the passport is
Sagittarius: making spontaneity look like a well-thought-out plan
Sagittarius Full off shit, just like the horse they rode in on.
Capricorn
Capricorns are the real GOATs of the zodiac –GreatestOfAll Time
Capricorns don't procrastinate; they're just collecting strategic data for optimal action
Capricorns are the ultimate planners; they even scheduled their midlife crisis
Aquarius
An Aquarius's exercise routine: lifting heavy opinions and running marathons of innovative ideas
Can't plan their escape from a wet paper bag. Lovely people but they do not have a fucking clue.
Pisces
Don't mess with a Pisces, they’re not your average Goldfish, they won’t forget!
Pisces: Swimming against the current in a river of dreams
Pisces: Anxious, and fucking neurotic because their hearts are too loving and cunts have continued to take advantage.
August 24, 2023
I’m not stubborn, I’m a fucking Taurus!
Taurus – loyal, loving, faithful but you don’t want to fuck with them…
August 22, 2023
gemini- 2 for 1! One minute they are acting like assholes,then snap…total cunts They have no redeeming qualities.. Whiny , thirsty bitches. Never boring though
Aquarius- we love to think we invented being an individual..yawn. We tend to dress like burnt out hippies and use being unique to mask that we just have no fucking style . We are loyal ..
August 22, 2023
gemini- 2 for 1! One minute they are acting like assholes,then snap…total cunts They have no redeeming qualities.. Whiny , thirsty bitches. Never boring though
Aquarius- we love to think we invented being an individual..yawn. We tend to dress like burnt out hippies and use being unique to mask that we just have no fucking style . We are loyal ..
August 22, 2023
Gemini
Two faces bitch or double the trouble?
I’m a Gemini lol
August 22, 2023
Taurus. I’m bullheaded but romantic af
Aquarius, your a narcissistic prick.
Taurus, no I’m being realistic!
Aquarius, your an A-hole, I’m out of here and you’ll die a lonely man.
Taurus, shut the door behind you so I can finally sleep in peace and fucking quite
August 22, 2023
Cancer – crabby by name crabby by nature
Cancer -hard shell but soft and squishy inside
August 22, 2023
Cancer – crabby by name crabby by nature
Cancer -hard shell but soft and squishy inside
August 22, 2023
Gemini? Two faced bitch!
August 22, 2023
Luv luv luv
All for Sagittarius
All comments are my daughter to a tee
PLEASE tell me it will be avaliable for her birthday in November
August 21, 2023
I didn’t zone you out because I’m a Capricorn, it was more because I couldn’t be Fucked listening!
August 21, 2023
Aquarius: maybe I’m aloof, maybe I’m ignoring you.
Gemini: it wasnt me, it was my other personality
August 21, 2023
Aries: treat them right and they’ll be your most loyal ally. Don’t and they will watch you burn
Aries: Can hold a grudge with the best of them.
Aries: arrogant pig headed bastards.
(Yep I’m an Aries :) )
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Sara
August 30, 2023
All true for this Sag! Also, don’t try lying to a Sagittarius – we know the truth and will play dumb to catch you lying later! Nice and sweet on the outside and a sarcastic goth metalhead on the inside!