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Sarcastic Star Signs. Gift ideas for signs of the Zodiac
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Aries
An Aries's to-do list: 1. Conquer the world. 2. Take a quick nap.
Aries - they will headbut you if you waste their time with stupidity
Taurus
Taurus might be a lover not a fighter, but you still shouldn’t fuck with a bull!
Gemini
Never mess with a Gemini, you might end up pissing off the wrong twin!
Immature, do not take a Gemini anywhere they have to be fucking serious.
Flipping between witty and whimsical faster than you can say dual personality
Cancer
Cancer's favorite dance move: the two-step between sentimentality and sarcasm
Leo
Leo: Where the spotlight shines, and the drama thrives!
Virgo
Virgos are like human autocorrect, always fixing everyone else's lives
Virgos: turning anxiety into Excel spreadsheets since birth
Libra
A Libra's indecision is so legendary that even their horoscope can't decide what to predict for them.
Scorpio
Scorpios have two moods: 'I'm fine' and 'I will solve this mystery and avenge it.
Scorpios are like fine wine – they get better with age and can be a bit intoxicating
Scorpios are the espresso shots of the zodiac – intense and best taken in small doses
Scorpios fuck around and find out.
Sagittarius
Don’t piss off a Sagittarius, they’re the only sign in the zodiac holding a weapon.
Sagittarius: turning travel dreams into credit card bills since forever
Sagittarius: the only sign that believes home is where the passport is
Sagittarius: making spontaneity look like a well-thought-out plan
Sagittarius Full of shit, just like the horse they rode in on.
Capricorn
Capricorns are the real GOATs of the zodiac –GreatestOfAll Time
Capricorns don't procrastinate; they're just collecting strategic data for optimal action
Capricorns are the ultimate planners; they even scheduled their midlife crisis
Aquarius
An Aquarius's exercise routine: lifting heavy opinions and running marathons of innovative ideas
Can't plan their escape from a wet paper bag. Lovely people but they do not have a fucking clue.
Pisces
Don't mess with a Pisces, they’re not your average Goldfish, they won’t forget!
Pisces: Swimming against the current in a river of dreams
Pisces: Anxious, and fucking neurotic because their hearts are too loving and cunts have continued to take advantage.
We would love to hear your suggestions? How would you describe your favourite star signs? Leave us a comment and if we feature your idea, we will reach out and send you a gift to say thanks.
Need a gift for an Aquarius? Our Get Fucked Duck... will make them smile!
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Cindy Calderon
February 27, 2024
I’m a fellow Sag and concur with all sentiments, laughed my horses ass off!!
But PLEASE go back to School, it’s full “of” shit!
Although my sun-sign is Sag, my moon is in Virgo (so nit picky on detail) and my rising is in Cancer (allows me to easily connect with others, due to my sensitive nature. This energetic seeker of exotic destinations, finds it hard to sit still,
likes to do things right (or not at all) and our high standards can ruin friendships and leave us Single Forever!
Wanna taunt a sensitive Sag at the wrong time? You might as well, set fire to your pubes!!!
Saggie: Are often single due to their ridiculous high standards, end up broke and with no friends!
Famous Saggies: Taylor Swift, Brad Pitt and Tina Turner (R.I.P)
Libra: I used to be indecisive… but now I’m not so sure?