Hey everyone... I'm back! Chemo started last week - it's been sh#t but everyone has sh#tty weeks. I just wanted to say a F#cking HUGE HUGE THANK YOU for all the messages of support I have been given - I am one very lucky lady. (I use the word lady loosely).
Sophie has been an angel working her butt off this week - while I lay around in bed being fed grapes. #BudgetBen has been awesome too, annoying but helpful - I think he is a keeper! (well at least until I get better and get some new tits - than I might upgrade..lol...) "only joking dear"
A special mention goes out to my friends and family who have made me laugh and cry these past couple of weeks. Also my beautiful friendChristian Hullwho sharedmy blog.
Even lovely people who are in competition with our store came out in support- thanks to the lovelyThe Far Kew Emporium for their support. It is actually very humbling just how many beautiful souls are out there.
Ok enough of this sentimental bullshit - or else you will start to think my sarcastic black heart is turning mushy..
Onwards and upwards.. CANCER IS A C#NT but the world is a fabulous place and we can't wait to continue making it inappropriate one gift at a time.
After a trip to the Doctor a 55 year old woman comes home and says to her husband "the Doctor said I had the stamina of a 30 year old and the tits of a 40 year old" the husband asked "What did he say about your 55 yr old c#nt?" the woman replies "he didn't mention you once".
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!" Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub!"
This is one of our favourite customers, Renee with her awesome coffee mug. We love seeing photos of you using our products - please send through any to email@example.com or our socials if you are happy for us to share the photo. (Any photos of you shoving the products up your bum though are not that welcome - I lie - send them through anyway - Sophie needs a good laugh)
Need inspirational gift ideas for the Virgo in your life?
Enjoy this blog all about Virgos, and if you are a Virgo reading this, please feel free to let us know any typos, grammar or punctuation errors, because we couldn't be bothered to proof read it and we know that stuff is right up your ally!
If you want something done right, just ask a Virgo to do it.
To each and everyone of you who have commented on this post. Thank you for the best laugh I've had in a long time!!!!! Yay It’s flaps out Friday. We love inappropriate gifts and this outfit is the gift that keeps giving! #Makinglifefunagain
The Leo, as with all cats, believe they rule the world and everyone else should clear the path when they’re coming though. Although known for their strong and savagely fierce attitude, they are, like their furry housebound counterpart, lazy as fuck! You’ll find them dodging duties left, right and centre.