July 31, 2019 3 min read
Hey everyone... I'm back! Chemo started last week - it's been sh#t but everyone has sh#tty weeks. I just wanted to say a F#cking HUGE HUGE THANK YOU for all the messages of support I have been given - I am one very lucky lady. (I use the word lady loosely).
Sophie has been an angel working her butt off this week - while I lay around in bed being fed grapes. #BudgetBen has been awesome too, annoying but helpful - I think he is a keeper! (well at least until I get better and get some new tits - than I might upgrade..lol...) "only joking dear"
Even lovely people who are in competition with our store came out in support- thanks to the lovely The Far Kew Emporium for their support. It is actually very humbling just how many beautiful souls are out there.
Ok enough of this sentimental bullshit - or else you will start to think my sarcastic black heart is turning mushy..
Onwards and upwards.. CANCER IS A C#NT but the world is a fabulous place and we can't wait to continue making it inappropriate one gift at a time.
Thank you to all those who posted jokes in our VIP Facebook Group..
After a trip to the Doctor a 55 year old woman comes home and says to her husband "the Doctor said I had the stamina of a 30 year old and the tits of a 40 year old" the husband asked "What did he say about your 55 yr old c#nt?" the woman replies "he didn't mention you once".
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!" Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub!"
This is one of our favourite customers, Renee with her awesome coffee mug. We love seeing photos of you using our products - please send through any to firstname.lastname@example.org or our socials if you are happy for us to share the photo. (Any photos of you shoving the products up your bum though are not that welcome - I lie - send them through anyway - Sophie needs a good laugh)
I want to be this guy when I grow old...
An Inappropriate advert if ever I saw one
Ozzie Man reviews - Some faves... I challenge you not to smile during this compilation. I was in stitches. Pour yourself a glass of wine and kick back - it goes for about 14 minutes.
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