My neighbour just angrily confronted me on my own doorstep about missing items from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants.
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along. So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel & she said, 'That was incredible!' & He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started swimming lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath. He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?''No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey !"
Valentine's Day is a great excuse to spend time with people you love, but if you find yourself surrounded by twat waffles and wankers, it might be the perfect excuse to have a date night with your dog! Here are our top ten reasons Valentine's day is best spent with your pet!
It can be difficult knowing what gift to get your better half on Valentines day, treat them to something that will make them smile this year ..
We had some great fun designing some new mugs for valentines day, thanks for all your suggestions on Facebook and Instagram. Here are our favourites, let us know in comments which one you would actually buy!