August 22, 2019 5 min read 14 Comments

The C Word

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3 

This time last week, I was thinking "Shit how am I going to get through two weeks of schools holidays with the annoying fuckers I call my family."  

Is been four weeks since I started this C journey.  I’m in a dilemma, I want this blog to be light hearted but at the same time I do not want to trivialise the cancer treatment journey because it does suck balls.    Can we just assume that I have days which are a bit crappy.   There are plenty of other writers though that can describe that shit in better detail than me.  

I had my second round of chemo last Thursday. Chemo was ok, in a strange way it was kind of relaxing, sitting in a very comfy reclining chair with a cup of tea having drugs put in.

It was around lunch time and I was feeling quite peckish, I had been there a couple of hours and everything was fine. I could see the lady with the sandwich trolley making her way over to me (They feed you but your partner doesn't get anything). I get the nice comfy reclining chair and tea and sandwiches, he gets the hard crappy chair and mostly ignored.  

#BudgetBen decides to go down to the cafe to get a bite to eat. He was tempted with the meat pie (because it was cheap) but ended up going semi-healthy and chose the tandoori wrap.

I was soo happy when the lady arrived with a plate of perfectly formed, cute white bread, no crust, triangle sandwiches and a bowl of hearty beef and vegetable soup.  Tasty fillings as well - there was chicken and avo, egg and cress, ham and cheese and the smell of the soup was divine. Could my day get any better?

Then the "fuckening" happened.

You know, when your day is going so well that you don't trust it and then something happens... ah ha... there it is, "the Fuckening".

I started munching on one of those cute triangles and I felt this chest pain... I thought I had indigestion ... but oh no... I started having a reaction to the third drug, had heart palpitations, severe chest tightness and my face went the the colour of a  sunburnt strawberry. I felt like I was having a huge panic attack.
The funny thing is #BudgetBen comes back at this exact moment from his tandoori wrap to find the curtains drawn around my bed, 4 nurses, a doctor, me on oxygen having my vitals monitored and looking very distressed. He had only been gone 10 mins! 
Moral of the story #BudgetBen will never ever be able to leave my side and relax again..lol
Apparently it is quite common to react to your first or second dose and the nurses were on it straight away and knew exactly what to do. They pumped a steroid drug into me, waited for my body to calm down and then retried the drug.
After getting my blood pressure, oxygen and heart rate back to normal the bloody nurse said "Best I don’t eat anything in case I vomit"!
CAN YOU IMAGINE THE PAIN of seeing six perfectly formed white bread triangle sandwiches with egg, chicken and mayo, cheese and ham, and a lovely chunky vegetable soup within hands reach but not allowed to taste them. Fuck that was the most traumatic part of this whole chemo journey.
Ben also made me laugh by saying the lengths I'll go to ruin his relaxation time!
I’m here to #makelifefunagain and guess what even with cancer there are plenty of opportunities to laugh.

So the first thing you can do when you have cancer is play “the Cancer Card”. My friends will already tell you they are fucking sick of me playing this card ... it’s only been four weeks! 

  1. Stuck doing canteen at weekend sport - “just cough and say, “ I’m happy to help out but I’m on chemo and my white blood cells are compromised, if I get an infection I could die... do you think there any other volunteers?”. The first week that worked, the third week my friends are saying “FFS Lori, get in that canteen and serve those red frogs bitch”.  
  2. That family gathering you are supposed to go to? - Fuck it, you may be feeling fine but you can still play the cancer card  “I would love to come but I am not feeling up to going out today.. hope that’s ok?”
  3. Anything you want hubby to do - “Can I have a coffee in bed please… I would get up and make it myself but I have cancer”.
  4. Should go to the gym because you know exercise will help you feel better? - Forget that. Just stay in bed in your favourite dressing gown watching Netflix shows because after all you do have cancer.
  5. In fact the cancer card can be pulled on any occasion for any reason… NO ONE challenges it!

The next thing you can do is leave all concern for your appearance, trust me, the sooner you get used to looking like crap the easier it is for you.  

Luckily, I have always been comfortable looking like shit. At first I thought I would have some fun with my hair. I asked my hairdresser "ANTON" to cut it short and dye it blonde then pink. His response was "that will look fucking awful!" My response was "FFS it's all going to fall out anyway, I may as well have some fun!"

This is us having some fun... 

Next thing you can do is go and visit all the places you used to work and get lots of hugs and sympathy.

I have been really fortunate to work with some really great people. I went and saw my gorgeous HX team at ZIP Money and had some wine and doughnuts.

I also went and saw Naomi Simson to try and score myself a sympathy Red Balloon experience..lol 

Another thing you can do is make your own memes up about cancer and send it to your friends. At first they don’t know what the fuck to say, some even start by saying “Lori I hope all is ok", but once they get used to it, they begin to laugh with you again.  

In fact, I do think it is important to recognise the role that your family and friends play.  I have an inappropriate sense of humour, they know I do, but it is still hard for them sometimes to laugh with you.  I know sometimes they think I use my humour as a shield to protect my insecurities and they are probably right, that said laughter really is the best medicine (well apart from chemo in my case - that is pretty useful too). 

I know I'm lucky - I'm only stage 3 and there are many of us out there fighting a bigger battle. In fact, I have been completely blown away by just how many people are touched by this disease.

It is the first time I have been vulnerable and it has been a huge lesson for me.  When you allow yourself to be open, honest and scared - the strength of a village comes to help you.  My friends suggested the Go fund me page and I still cannot believe the generosity from people who I don't even know that want to help me and Ben out.

This journey is an ongoing one for the time being. Writing this blog and creating inappropriate cancer products has been very cathartic for me. I am looking at joining the awesome team at LoveYour Sister to donate 10% of profits from our cancer range.    

I read each and every comment and email that gets sent and I thank you all for your support. 

Love Lori XX 

Until my next chemo sesh by then my minge hair and upper lip hair may even have gone (the chemo drugs will need to be bloody toxic for that to happen).

Life is short, have fun and remember...

"don't be afraid to be a pigeon in a flock of flamingos....."  


14 Responses

Caz
Caz

November 05, 2019

I love that you play the cancer card. You have to get something out of it 😂. Keep up the blogs and I hope you do, do something with LYS. Xx

Mel
Mel

October 23, 2019

Girl, we are kicking this bitch together..i am on round 8 of 16 chemo. Its a motherfucker and i flush more than a nun in a brothel. You got this girl. Keep laughing booby sister xx

Ruth
Ruth

August 29, 2019

On my 13 radiation treatment for bc and my tit is bright red and I can’t stand anything near my nipple. Only 7 more till I’m done… Loved reading your post. Thank you for the giggles.

Diane Russell
Diane Russell

August 27, 2019

You make me laugh….although I did have to google “minge hair” to find out what it meant.

Vanessa
Vanessa

August 24, 2019

Fantastic take on the C journey. I’ve been on & off this bus for 8 years this month & find humour is my best coping mechanism but I’d be shit are articulating it!
Can’t wait to read more 👍🏻

Emma
Emma

August 22, 2019

Feeling exactly the same. And writing a blog helps. I have one called ‘Positive or Pointless ‘ on Facebook. First world problem – when your hair finally grows back and decides to grow straight up! Fml.
Feel free to read my Facebook page. It’s open to the public.
Emma

Lynn
Lynn

August 22, 2019

Also on C journey had my 2 round of chemo yesterday still going well. Just waiting for when the hair falls out but still in there pretty tight, do the tug test every morning. Sending good vibes to as you continue your C journey. This is 2nd diagnosis’s of breast cancer. 💜

Foreman Family (UK)
Foreman Family (UK)

August 22, 2019

Your attitude is inspiring as well as hilarious.
But also know that when you have a shit day, you have 4x people here that are sending you a cuddle.

Kass
Kass

August 22, 2019

You make me laugh out loud every day on FB/Instagram, and just looking at the website. May the universe return the favour. Sending you all my good vibes.

Anita Newitt
Anita Newitt

August 22, 2019

Hi Lori, I’m on the C journey too, had my 3rd round of chemo yesterday, been coping ok but this last one has made me pretty nauseous but no bad reactions so far. Good to read about someone who also has a sense of humour, best way to fight it but like you I have bad days too, I’m not letting this shit beat me though. I have stage 4 cervical cancer which has spread to my bowel, bladder, spine, lung and lymph nodes, oncologist has given me 12 months with chemo but stuff that, I’m here for the next 12 years or more😁Good luck on your journey, I look forward to reading more of your blogs

Jewed
Jewed

August 22, 2019

You are one inspiring woman showing the rest of us how to do it and I personally love you for that. You own it and you are truly helping me with all your real info and the language it deserves, lol. Thanks babe for keeping it real. SML (so-much-love) I made that up but I’m sure it’s going to take off.

Cheza Reynolds
Cheza Reynolds

August 22, 2019

Great blog. I’m the same playing the cancer card is great and lightens the mood as well with friends and family. Breast cancer and chemo sux enough that you have to find the humour in it for your own sanity. I just had your cancer can fuck off cup arrive in NZ. Its now my favourite cup. Stand strong Kia Kaha.
From NZ

MummaShaz
MummaShaz

August 22, 2019

You are a deadset fucking LEGEND.
I had The Fuckening on Sunday. Someone called me a fat, lazy cunt. Excuse me but FUCKING WHAT?? I AM NOT LAZY.

Anne Dickinson
Anne Dickinson

August 22, 2019

Glad you’re still keeping your sense of humour.
! It’s what keeps us going. Play the cancer card? Play the entire fucking deck!

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