Is been four weeks since I started this C journey. I’m in a dilemma, I want this blog to be light hearted but at the same time I do not want to trivialise the cancer treatment journey because it does suck balls. Can we just assume that I have days which are a bit crappy. There are plenty of other writers though that can describe that shit in better detail than me.
I had my second round of chemo last Thursday. Chemo was ok, in a strange way it was kind of relaxing, sitting in a very comfy reclining chair with a cup of tea having drugs put in.
It was around lunch time and I was feeling quite peckish, I had been there a couple of hours and everything was fine. I could see the lady with the sandwich trolley making her way over to me (They feed you but your partner doesn't get anything). I get the nice comfy reclining chair and tea and sandwiches, he gets the hard crappy chair and mostly ignored.
#BudgetBen decides to go down to the cafe to get a bite to eat. He was tempted with the meat pie (because it was cheap) but ended up going semi-healthy and chose the tandoori wrap.
I was soo happy when the lady arrived with a plate of perfectly formed, cute white bread, no crust, triangle sandwiches and a bowl of hearty beef and vegetable soup. Tasty fillings as well - there was chicken and avo, egg and cress, ham and cheese and the smell of the soup was divine. Could my day get any better?
Then the "fuckening" happened.
You know, when your day is going so well that you don't trust it and then something happens... ah ha... there it is, "the Fuckening".
So the first thing you can do when you have cancer is play “the Cancer Card”. My friends will already tell you they are fucking sick of me playing this card ... it’s only been four weeks!
The next thing you can do is leave all concern for your appearance, trust me, the sooner you get used to looking like crap the easier it is for you.
Luckily, I have always been comfortable looking like shit. At first I thought I would have some fun with my hair. I asked my hairdresser "ANTON" to cut it short and dye it blonde then pink. His response was "that will look fucking awful!" My response was "FFS it's all going to fall out anyway, I may as well have some fun!"
This is us having some fun...
Next thing you can do is go and visit all the places you used to work and get lots of hugs and sympathy.
I have been really fortunate to work with some really great people. I went and saw my gorgeous HX team at ZIP Money and had some wine and doughnuts.
I also went and saw Naomi Simson to try and score myself a sympathy Red Balloon experience..lol
Another thing you can do is make your own memes up about cancer and send it to your friends. At first they don’t know what the fuck to say, some even start by saying “Lori I hope all is ok", but once they get used to it, they begin to laugh with you again.
In fact, I do think it is important to recognise the role that your family and friends play. I have an inappropriate sense of humour, they know I do, but it is still hard for them sometimes to laugh with you. I know sometimes they think I use my humour as a shield to protect my insecurities and they are probably right, that said laughter really is the best medicine (well apart from chemo in my case - that is pretty useful too).
I know I'm lucky - I'm only stage 3 and there are many of us out there fighting a bigger battle. In fact, I have been completely blown away by just how many people are touched by this disease.
It is the first time I have been vulnerable and it has been a huge lesson for me. When you allow yourself to be open, honest and scared - the strength of a village comes to help you. My friends suggested the Go fund me page and I still cannot believe the generosity from people who I don't even know that want to help me and Ben out.
This journey is an ongoing one for the time being. Writing this blog and creating inappropriate cancer products has been very cathartic for me. I am looking at joining the awesome team at LoveYour Sister to donate 10% of profits from our cancer range.
I read each and every comment and email that gets sent and I thank you all for your support.
Love Lori XX
Until my next chemo sesh by then my minge hair and upper lip hair may even have gone (the chemo drugs will need to be bloody toxic for that to happen).
Life is short, have fun and remember...
"don't be afraid to be a pigeon in a flock of flamingos....."