This time last week, I was thinking "Shit how am I going to get through two weeks of schools holidays with the annoying fuckers I call my family."
Hmmm this chemo lark is beginning to lose its shine. Who am I kidding - it's a big pile of poop. I had my third round of Chemo. Each time I choose a different chair, that way by the end of my treatment - I'll have sat in all the chairs. So if you ever get chemo at Macquarie University Hospital - my arse has been on the same seat you'll sit on!
So I have now shaved my head as my hair kept falling out... People are full of compliments - "what a lovely shaped head you have". Depending on the day - I look like a cross between Sinead O'Conner and Tom Hanks' character in Philadelphia.
It is SOOOOOOO fucking liberating having no hair (once you get used to it) I get up in the morning, no worries about washing, brushing, blow drying, styling hair; it has saved me at least 30 mins a day.
My friends have asked if I want to go wig shopping - I will, there are some brilliant wigs out there but for now I am happy with my low maintenance hairstyle. We also talked about hats, with my chemo brain at the mo - I did contemplate this hat:
but I have decided to go with the one below for now (although my kids aged 11 and 9 are not too happy when I rock up to school pick up with my new hat).
3rd chemo session, same process - drugs in arm, nice sandwiches, blah blah blah. The actual chemo infusion part is not bad. It doesn't hurt and as I've said before it's actually very relaxing sitting for three hours with a legitimate excuse not to work.
It's after the chemo that's the problem. It really knocks you out for a few days afterwards. It feels like you have a massive hangover and the flu in one go. You also get some fun side effects:
Extreme tiredness. I feel like sleeping beauty - without the beauty part. My bed really is my best friend.
Explosive diarrhea - yep this one is real fun. It does come in handy though... when you are on the phone or chatting with people and you want to finish the conversation, just say "I have to go now, I have explosive diahhrea and I only have a few seconds to get to the toilet". It works every time. You do lose all previous sense of embarrassment. Previously if I EVER had to do a number 2 in a public restroom, I would wait until there was no-one there or if there was, I would wait until there was a hand dryer on before I attempt the poo. Now I'm lucky if I have time to sit down before the contents of my bowels spray out, TMI?. OMG I have just realised that I share my blog link on LinkedIn which means everyone I have ever known professionally in my role as HR Guru will now have visions of me on a toilet with said explosions, that should be interesting next time I go for an HR job interview!
Wine tastes like battery acid and coffee tastes like poison. It must be your body's way of reminding you that you do not need any more toxins in your body. The only two joys I have in this world are coffee and wine.... My liver has never been healthier - even if the rest of my body is a mess.
Really dry nostrils. Doesn't sound bad, but every time I try to move my nose it' s like I get a paper cut . I'm forever twitching my nose like Samantha out of bewitched (I'm showing my age now with that reference).
Itchy rash - not sure how much I want to share about this..let's just leave this to your imagination.
Apart from the above though - life is good!
At the beginning of the year, while it was on sale and before I found out I had cancer- a group of us mum friends booked a trip to Hamilton Island for three nights at the end of September to celebrate three of the mums turning 40.
I was going to cancel the trip as I was not feeling up to it. I can't drink alcohol, I'm tired all the time and I didn't want to ruin the girls fun and of course there is that teeny weeny problem of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA.
They persuaded me to go - and I am so bloody glad I did. There is NOTHING better than the laughs you get on a girls trip. Here is a photo of us all glammed up on the beach... My skin is very sensitive at the moment so my girlfriends joined the sun safety club with me! ( and before you ask, NO I didn't pollute the Great Barrier Reef or my bodysuit, I swallowed shit loads of Lofenoxal to back me up lol).
One of the best things of the whole holiday was the all you can eat buffet. Food at the moment has very little taste for me but do you think that stopped me from stuffing my face with everything on offer from the buffet? No way Jose.
Three course breakfast here I come. I start off with a cheeky omelette with the lot, hash brown, crispy bacon, chipolata sausage and some baked beans on the side. Went back for cheese, salami and fried rice as you do and finished up with Pancakes and waffles with cream, berries, caramel and chocolate sauce.
I only have one question? Who the fuck goes to an all you can eat breakfast buffet and just gets a slice of toast? There were people queuing up just to get toast... I don't understand?
This was the first time I have ever been on a girls trip and remained sober... OMG! It takes a lot to embarrass me - I am the CEO of the INAPPROPRIATE GIFT CO but my girlfriends can be fucking loud after a few vinos. I think everyone in the Tavern that night heard who out of our group spits and who swallows, who puts a finger up their husbands bum to find the g spot and who makes their hubby shower before a blow job... TMI? I know..... interesting stats though out of a group of 8, we had three swallowers.
Moving swiftly on.......
My new cancer range is now in stock and although I am biased can I just tell you how bloody awesome it is... SEE RANGE HERE
10% of profits from our range will be donated to the gorgeous love your sister org, so they can continue to support research and a future where cancer can F#CK OFF.
Thanks again for all your support and kind words... it really does mean the world to me. Please visit my shop to buy your gifts for Christmas as I'm not sure I will be able to get a job back in HR after this blog! Love Lori
Buying a gift for a teacher is a lovely gesture- after all, we have a lot to thank them for! But we all know it can be hard to find something personal and useful that 30 other class mums haven’t already thought of!
Here are some tongue-in-cheek gift-giving ‘dont’s’ from The Inappropriate Gift Co.to help guide you through your Christmas gifting.
Enjoy our hilarious guide to making it through the yuletide culinary chaos unscathed. From the Christmas lunch, that magical time of year when your waistband tightens and your inner food enthusiast high-fives your inner glutton, to the family dynamics and deep-seed emotional scars that rear their head! We have you covered with a strategy that involves wit, alcohol, and a pair of stretchy pants.