A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1,000 an inch."
The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And what is the decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite kitchen worktops!"
I FOUND A STARVING, DIRTY, SMELLY, SKINNY AND MATTED KITTY. My husband & I felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come to get her. My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another. It's a contest of who can get the better of the other. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The Dr's waiting room and office was full of people waiting. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose! Oh, and, by the way, she's pregnant! God only knows who the father is!'
THEN HE CLOSED THE DOOR.
Welcome to Amanda who joins the team in our new role of C.O.C.K. – Caring (for) Our Customers Kindly; Customer satisfaction is our number one priority and Amanda will be looking after all our lovely customers especially as we gear up to our very busy season. Amanda is a mum of 3 (well 4, if you count hubby Ben). Self-proclaimed wizard of multi-tasking, lover of wine, chocolate and sleep. Knows far too much about the Kardashians and D-grade celebs and far too little about climate change and current affairs.. "really looking forward to my new role at TIGC!!"
Sophie has now taken on the new role of B.A.L.L.S, Buying And Logistics Lead Specialist - and she will be looking after all our inventory and warehouse logistics.
So between the team of Cock and Balls – you are in great hands.. 😊
On a personal note I need to thank these two lovely ladies for all their help making the Gift Co a fun place to work. Budget Ben and I are not easy to work with – our office is our home (which is always messy and has a barking dog). I’m going through chemo so my brain is a bit of mush at the moment - but these girls rock up, with almond croissants, make us laugh and most importantly love our customers as much as we do.
Stock Clearance finishing this week... stock up early for Christmas.
What ideas do you have for us? We are sure you can come up with some great ideas for inappropriate XMAS gifts. We can create anything? Let us know what ideas you have for slogans on mugs, or cheeky gifts you would like to see. We think you should all run an inappropriate Secret Santa at work this year - we are sure HR won't mind!
Send us a pic or your idea to Sophie or Amanda at firstname.lastname@example.org and if we end up featuring your idea we will give you the gift to say thanks.
A Big Congrats to our monthly winners from our customer survey - Anwar, Suellen and Joy. We have updated your accounts with 450 points.
To enter the competition, simply make a purchase, then complete the customer survey that will be sent out approx 10 days after your order has been fulfilled. Acting on customer feedback is the best way of us creating a company you guys love so please take the time to tell us what you think.
Do you know how difficult it is being a nurse? Having spent a fair time recently in hospitals, I have been blown away by how nice they are even given all of us dodgier patients. Christian Hull sums it up wellin his you Tube Video, and demonstrated his range here check out our hilarious range . If you need a gift for a nurseyou can buy here
OCTOBER is BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH
If you want to support a great cause -check out our range of Cancer Can F#ck off products. Going through this breast cancer journey has been difficult but what has made it amazing has been all the love and support from people around me and customers I do not even know. As I have said before the memes that come through on socials whilst I'm sitting in my chemo chair are the absolute best!
Need inspirational gift ideas for the Virgo in your life?
Enjoy this blog all about Virgos, and if you are a Virgo reading this, please feel free to let us know any typos, grammar or punctuation errors, because we couldn't be bothered to proof read it and we know that stuff is right up your ally!
If you want something done right, just ask a Virgo to do it.
To each and everyone of you who have commented on this post. Thank you for the best laugh I've had in a long time!!!!! Yay It’s flaps out Friday. We love inappropriate gifts and this outfit is the gift that keeps giving! #Makinglifefunagain
The Leo, as with all cats, believe they rule the world and everyone else should clear the path when they’re coming though. Although known for their strong and savagely fierce attitude, they are, like their furry housebound counterpart, lazy as fuck! You’ll find them dodging duties left, right and centre.