Four married men were happy playing golf early on a Saturday morning; During the 4th hole the following conversation began:
First Man: Bet you’ve no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing today...I had to promise my wife that I’ll paint the sitting room next weekend.
Second Man: That's nothing; I had to promise mine I’d build a new deck for the pool. Third Man: You both have it sooo easy! I had to promise my wife that I’ll remodel the kitchen for her.
hey continue to play the hole,… and eventually realize that the fourth Man hasn’t said a word. So they ask him: 'You haven't said anything about how come you were let out to play golf today. What's the deal?'
Fourth Man: I just set my alarm for 5 am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on her ass and said: 'Golf course or intercourse? ' She said: 'Wear sun-block’
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish."I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife "F*ck off" she said, "they're for the funeral."
What ideas do you have for us? We are sure you can come up with some great ideas for inappropriate XMAS gifts. We can create anything? Let us know what ideas you have for slogans on mugs, or cheeky gifts you would like to see. Send us a pic or your idea to Sophie at firstname.lastname@example.org and if we end up featuring your idea we will give you the gift to say thanks.
Anyone need some stress relief nuts for the office?
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My favourite leaflet of all time - Ricky Gervais