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Nurse Gifts - Gifts NOT to buy a Nurse.

3 min read

Nurse Gifts - Gifts NOT to buy a Nurse.

We all know how hard working nurses are.   As nurses are such awesome legends, they deserve great gifts.  If you have a friend, sister, mother, brother or dad who is a nurse, here are some ideas of what fun gifts to get them and just as importantly what gifts NOT to get them.   We have used the pronoun "she" in the blog but we do realise that he and they could easily be used in lieu. 

No 1,   A Houseplant 

house plant fun gifts for nurses

For fuck's sake, she has just spent 8 hours on the ward keeping 10 patients alive, last thing she needs is another needy living thing that requires care!

No 2.  Jewellery.

One word.. INFECTION CONTROL.   (yes we know that is two words) Nurses need to be free of jewellery when working,  it collects bacteria, and can be used to harm patients through skin tears, or harm the nurse if an emotional patient decides to grab her by her necklace.  So no cheap Jewellery please. 

Nurses will accept a very expensive piece of jewellery and wear it on the very rare occasion they have a night off and are still awake enough to go out!

No 3 . Chocolates. 

They get enough free chocolate on the ward from all the thankful patients,  she doesn't really want to have to ask the uniform shop for a pair of size 22 scrubs. 

No 4. Vouchers for an adrenaline fuelled experience, like a skydive or an abseil. 

She literally takes her life in her own hands every time she walks into the hospital, Do you not think she gets enough adrenaline on a Saturday night when Gary with a gunshot wound comes into the ER with his brains hanging out?  Or Pete who has  "accidentally" sat on a Lynx deodorant bottle and requires surgical extraction from his anus?  No more adrenaline needed.

pete nurse gifts

No 5. Anything medical. 

Unless you can score her some Benzos or S8's

Anything medical she might need, she'll probably nick from the storeroom.  The only thing she can't steal easily (anymore!) are the good drugs, so feel free to get her a stash of those! 

No 6. Flowers or fruit.

She is surrounded by these at work. they remind her of sick people. 

No.7. Perfume.

She can't have a strong smell on the ward as there are a lot of nauseous people looking for an excuse to vomit.  Your choice of perfume - will not be hers and it will encourage patients to vomit over her. 

No. 8. Exercise equipment. 

She gets enough exercise walking up and down the fucking ward all fucking shift answering buzzers - fuck off with your exercise equipment.  

No 9. Lingerie.

Do you think she feels sexy after a 10 hour shift cleaning up shit, vomit, sputum and pus?  

No 10, A stylish lunch /cool bag 

What the fuck is lunch?, she does not have time to take a piss, let alone sit down and eat this thing called lunch. 

The above ideas are all quite lovely actually and as a nurse myself, I would be grateful for anything you buy !

That said some other ideas for nurse gifts that she may like include; 

  • Frank Green Water bottle with her name on it. (if her name is not on it - it will go missing!) 
  • Comfy shoes - A voucher to Colorado, Sketchers or New balance 
  • Pens - shit loads of them. They disappear EVERY FUCKING SHIFT.
  • A massage or spa voucher
  • CASH 
  • ALCOHOL (Dan Murphy's gift card?)
  • A tub of Napisan 

In honour of all our nurses out there - here are our funny inappropriate nurse gifts you may like. 

nurse gifts coffee can't fix stupid can sedate it

Nurses - we can't fix stupidwe can sedate it, 

Never trust a nurse, 

never trust a nurse that desn't drink coffee or say fuck alot

 Buy her a notebook to write down all those medical terms... 

a note book fuck  


doing my fucking best notebook fun notebook  funny gifts for nurses

Some Honest Bath Salts or Essential Oilsso she can finally relax when she is not working. 

essential oils funny gifts go the fuck to sleep nurse gifts  

Bath Soak 

bath salts fun gifts for nurses

A t-shirt to wear under her scrubs. 

 nurse cuntasaurus tshirt funny tshorts gifts for nurses

A coffee travel mug.. 

a big cup of fuckoffee nurse gifts fun gifts for nurses

Alcohol and Coffee the glue holding this shit show together,. 

alcohol and coffee keep cut fun gifts for nurses

I fucking hate people bangle. 

i fucking hate people bangle fun nurse gifts

She believed she could but she was too fucking tired mug 

she believed she could but she was too tired mug funny nurse gifts

Socksto wear to work... 

fuck off socks

Finally a best mateto debrief with after a stressful shift.. 

cunty mccuntface and fucky mcfuckface funny gifts for nurses

Nurses will always need black pens..  these are our special sweary pack.. 

sweary pens

Sometimes Nurses get sick and when they do they deserve some love .. and a warm inappropriate get well blanket. 

get well blanket

Finally our sweary wheat heat pack to soothe those aching muscles .. 

sweary heat pack funny gifts for nurses.


A big thank you to all the nurses out there!  You are fucking awesome... 


you are awesome keep that shit up candle


Have a laugh at Christian Hull's Nursing impersonation.. 



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